One Woman's Journey to Finding Her Voice as She Unpacked All the Trauma That She Endured in Her Emotionally, Verbally and Mentally Abusive Marriage
Nonfiction / Memoir
Date Published: December 14, 2022
Publisher: LifeRich Publishing
The Hidden Cries Behind Her Smile is a book filled with journal entries from one woman’s journey of discovering that she was living in an emotionally, mentally and verbally abusive marriage. In this book you will find some of her deepest and rawest emotions as she began to unpack all of the pain that this abuse had left on her mind and her heart. This type of abuse is one that is not talked about a lot because you cannot see the marks that it leaves on one’s body. In the pages of this book the writer paints a picture of the wounds and the scars that emotional, mental and verbal abuse does to a person’s heart and mind. You can almost hear her cries as you read through her journal entries, the cries that were hidden behind her smile for so long.
EXCERPT
Preface
Alone … is a horrible place to be and a devastating thing to
feel. The feeling of complete seclusion can tear a person apart. It can leave a
gaping hole so big in your heart that you feel extremely hollow inside. We were
never meant to live this life that we have been given alone. Many times, we
feel as though no one will ever understand the trauma that we have been
through. We think, If only people knew what I was going through, they would
think so differently of me. Our walls go up when we feel as though no one
would understand. The walls begin to form layer by layer until we are
barricaded behind walls within our hearts as thick as Fort Knox. It becomes
nearly impossible for anyone to chisel the walls down and enter the sacred
parts of us that are tucked so safely away. I want you to know from the depths
of my heart that you are not alone. You are seen by a person who understands
what you are going through. The hidden emotional, mental, and verbal abuse that
you are enduring may be hidden from the naked eyes around you, but I see you. I
see the seclusion that you feel. I see the suffering that you are going
through. And even though you feel completely alone in a world filled with
billions of people, you are not alone. Not only do I see you, but so does the creator
of this world that we live in.
This is a book filled with many of the emotions that I felt
on this journey to discovering that I indeed have lived in a marriage where I
have been abused. I denied it for so long because my husband didn’t lay a hand
on me. I thought, This is not abuse! He is just mean to me, but he doesn’t
hit me. There are women who are really being abused, and I am lucky that I am
not being hit! The denial kept me trapped in a lie and living on autopilot.
Emotional, mental, and verbal abuse are not discussed enough. This hidden and
silent abuse is stuffed away in a corner with a drop cloth over it, just hoping
that we can hide it and no one will see the damage it causes. This abuse isn’t
taken seriously because we can’t see the wounds and scars that it leaves on the
heart, soul, and mind of the victim. Most of the time, the victim doesn’t even
realize they are in an abusive relationship because this form of abuse isn’t
talked about enough.
Let me give you the definition of emotional, mental, and
verbal abuse, taken from a Google search:
Emotional abuse … involves
nonphysical behavior that belittles another person and can include insults, put
downs, verbal threats or other tactics that make the victim feel threatened,
inferior, ashamed or degraded. Emotional abuse can involve any of the
following:
Verbal abuse: yelling at you,
insulting you or swearing at you.
Rejection: constantly rejecting
your thoughts, ideas and opinions.
Gas lighting: making you doubt your
own feelings and thoughts, and even your sanity, by manipulating the truth.
Emotional abuse can take many
forms. Three general patterns of abusive behavior include aggressing, denying,
and minimizing. (Being aggressive towards you, denying they were aggressive,
minimizing your feelings of pain from their behavior).
Being in an emotionally abusive relationship can impact your
life in so many negative ways, leaving you feeling completely unsure of any
thought that you may have. You begin to second-guess everything that you feel,
and your confidence is completely destroyed, for your abuser will minimize
everything you say and make you out to be the bad guy in every single
situation.
You are not alone!
I see you!
God sees you!
As you read the pages of this book, my prayer is that you
will feel validated. My prayer is that you will begin to come out of hiding and
have the courage and strength to know that you are not alone. My prayer
is that the walls around you will begin to crumble, and you will begin to know
that you are beautiful. You are loved. You are cherished.
You are valuable. You have a powerful voice. And you are seen.
I see you. God sees you.
In each journal entry, you will hear my heart’s cry as I
began to understand exactly what I was going through as the veil was being
lifted from my eyes that I was indeed being abused. I pray that you feel seen
and understood by me. You will also find Bible verses included in some of my
entries, God’s personal love letters to us, which I pray will help you feel
seen by Him.
There is such bravery and courage when you step into healing
and seek counsel. I encourage you, if you haven’t already, to find a safe place
to unpack your heart, whether it is with a counselor or a pastor. You will find
a new strength welling up within you when you find the courage to go to that
place you are afraid of that is buried deep beneath the surface of your heart
and soul. A place that is hidden from the world and oftentimes hidden even from
you. A place that is sacred and guarded with thick steel walls and padlocks on
the doors. A place where pain and heartache reside. A place where your hurts
have been placed so that you could survive. A place where tears are hidden away
because there was no validation for your feelings. A place where rivers of sorrow
are on the verge of escape because you know you must release it or else you
will never make it. It is not weakness to seek help! It takes so much strength
to go into a place of such despair and to repair all that is broken. It takes
courage to face the things that have been stored away for so long. It takes
bravery to walk into a vault of unknown boxes and stand before each one and
unpack them. It takes a massive amount of strength, courage, and bravery to lay
down the shield that has been protecting you for so long and face the heartache
that has been hidden inside of you. I believe in you! You are worth the fight
to heal! I pray that you discover your voice as you read the pages of this
book. I pray that you feel seen as you begin to unpack all that is within you.
She gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: “You are
the God who sees me.” (Genesis 16:13 NIV)
About the Author
Felicity is a woman who was married at the age of 19 and has been married for 30 years. She has devoted three decades of her life to her husband and kids, being a stay at home mom, homemaker and home schooling her children. Throughout her marriage she always knew that something wasn’t right in her relationship but she never quite knew what it was. It wasn’t until 25 years into her marriage that she began to discover that she was in an emotionally, mentally and verbally abusive relationship. During this time she began doing research on the topic of emotional, mental and verbal abuse. This new revelation began opening up many painful wounds inside of her as it painted a new picture of what her marriage had done to her emotionally, mentally and physically. To express her feelings she began writing about the pain that was surfacing inside of her. During this season in her life she knew that she wasn’t the only one who was going through the deep pain of this hidden abuse, which led to her desire to put her writings into a book to share with others. Her hope is that her words will help others feel seen who are living in an emotionally, mentally and verbally abusive relationship. Her prayer is that those who read her words will know that they are not alone as they navigate through healing from this painful and hidden abuse.
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