The Transformation of a Ship & a Soul
Memoir
Date Published: February 27th, 2025
Publisher: Acorn Publishing
Deborah Rudell’s world unravels when the leaders of her spiritual commune are exposed, arrested, and imprisoned for bioterrorism and attempted murder. Crushed and adrift, she moves her family off the commune to create a sense of normalcy. But when her husband seeks an opportunity to dismantle and rebuild a derelict fifty-foot schooner, Deborah uproots their children once again and joins him in Kauai. For the next five years, she dedicates her life to restoring a boat.
Pouring herself into the work at hand can only distract her so much as disillusionment about the cult’s lies and manipulation slowly rises to the surface. While she grapples with emotional turmoil and contemplates a new life path, Deborah sets out to accomplish something she never thought possible: sailing across the Pacific to the Olympic Peninsula. Will the dangers that come with navigating the ocean be too much to bear, or will she find resolution and fortitude in the turbulent adventure?
Grit & Grace: The Transformation of a Ship & a Soul is one woman’s account of conquering overwhelming challenges with tenacity and ingenuity and ultimately discovering her inner strength.
“You really are new, aren’t you?” The red-clad, pony-tailed sannyasin laughed kindly when I asked her what ‘drive-by’ was. I was eating lunch with two thousand other devotees in the cafeteria on my first day at the communal Ranch in the fall of 1982.
“Bhagwan drives by on the road every day after lunch, and we line up along the edge and sing and dance and wave to Him. It’s a daily celebration,” she explained.
I followed the crowd out the door and back onto and off a bus, jostled and nudged into a line along the well-maintained gravel road. People stood quietly, some talking softly. My mind and heart were in turmoil. I had just left my home, family, and career to follow a spiritual path with a living master. While I had read His books, listened to His audiotapes, and watched His videos, I had never seen Him in person. What would it be like?
Eventually I saw a car in the distance and then the line of disciples came alive, clapping, singing and swaying to the songs from a group of musicians half a block away. Bhagwan drove slowly, one hand moved up and down, as He celebrated with us. His dark eyes scanned the thousands of happy faces lined up to greet Him.
Standing amongst strangers, my eyes wet with tears and shining with emotion, I watched the car Bhagwan was driving follow the road lined with disciples, getting closer and closer. The last vestiges of angst, the self-doubt, the wondering what I had done by giving up my life as I knew it, all disappeared as I looked in His eyes. I felt my body dance, and my hands clapped.
It was as if we were all One. Unity at last, all consumed by our love for the Master, the Enlightened One. The One who had gone before us in realizing the true nature of this world. The One who could give us glimpses of our own promise, our own abilities to transcend the density and illusion of material existence to bring peace, joy, and love from heaven above down to the Earth.
About the Author
A college professor in San Diego, California, Deborah Rudell participates in her city’s vibrant writing community. She is a graduate of Hay House Writer’s Workshop and the Certificate in Memoir Writing program at San Diego Writers, Ink. Her work has been published in the International Memoir Writers Association’s anthology, Shaking the Tree: I Didn't See That One Coming.
Deborah lives with her black cat in a tiny house built in 1906 by a retired sea captain, who carved a sailing ship into the front door. This is her first book.
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