Nonfiction
Date Published: March 3, 2025
Publisher: MindStir Media
Childhood trauma leads to perseverance and personal growth in this empowering memoir.
Born into a world shrouded by multi-generational cycles of abuse and child marriages, Donna Simmons navigates a harrowing landscape of pain and betrayal, detailing the challenges that devastated her early years but ultimately did not define the person she became.
Through poignant storytelling, she shares both moments of despair and the small victories that fueled her resilience. Each chapter reveals the transformative process of healing and self-discovery, touching on the importance of embracing nature, finding solace in creativity, and connecting with a community. Ashes to Flame recounts a powerful, deeply personal, and transformative journey from the ashes of childhood trauma to the vibrant light of purpose.
“You don’t actually think you can change the law, right? I mean, you’re really naive if you do.” I have certainly had my share of adversity, but this comment hit me harshly, as it was coming from a woman who proclaimed herself to be a feminist and women’s rights advocate, serving as the director of the city government’s office for women where I lived. And her deflating yet inflammatory comment came on the heels of my very first time speaking out at a human trafficking awareness conference at a local university. During this speech, I filleted my veins wide open, recollecting my own personal experience of being married off at sixteen years of age to a man in his early thirties, the same man who I met at a time when he was in a position of authority over me at the behavioral health facility I had been admitted to only two years earlier. In this speech, I also disclosed publicly for the first time the exploitation I suffered as result of this marriage. Yet somehow this woman had the audacity to proclaim that this fire burning so brightly inside of me to fight the laws that allowed and perpetuated these actions, nearly destroying me in the process, was culpable of naivety.
I wish I could share with you that I had some clever quip back, but I did not at the time. The only thing I could do was bite my tongue, quite literally, and allow the hot flush that engulfed my pale skin to happen, as there was no controlling it. I knew better than to listen to — much less give energy to — those who would have me believe I was incapable in any manner. I had already proven so many people wrong, as statistically I should have been an addict, chronically living in poverty, or some combination of the two. This is what childhood trauma does to people. This is what child marriage does to people. This is what sexual exploitation does to people. And having survived it all, I was determined to stop it. My ultimate goal in 2016, the divinely guided purpose of my life’s mission during that season of my life, was to change the state laws that allowed child marriage to occur through parental consent or judicial exception. In my own experience, my mother’s consent to me marrying this much older man who she allowed me to begin dating when I was just fourteen opened the door to my entrapment in an extremely abusive and coercive relationship for the years to follow. Yes, with the stroke of a pen, the man I married at sixteen — who I now refer to as my perpetrator — was granted a literal license to continue sexually abusing me, an act that without this signature and the laws that allowed it could have been prosecuted as statutory rape.
Laws that perpetuate the cycles of sexual abuse, oftentimes multi-generational cycles, are ultimately perversely immoral. And so it is to starkly attempt to shut down the efforts of survivor leaders in the fight to protect upcoming and future generations from the darkness we blindly crawled our way through to break these cycles once and for all.
Those who abused us sought to silence us. Those who mock our efforts to make this world a safer place are seeking to do the same. For me, and many other survivor leaders I know, this adds fuel to our fire, and we will not smolder to ash without putting up a fight with every bit of resilience our minds and bodies can muster. I had to do this for nearly the first twenty years of my life to survive. And I will continue to bring this forth when necessary now. The stakes are too high to be stagnant and complacent.
Speaking out for the first time at that conference was a catalyst for so much to follow that would have me visiting multiple state capitals, giving testimony to legislative bodies, providing multiple interviews with local, national, and even international reporters, and even appearing in a documentary highlighting the problematic prevalence of child marriage today. My story shines a light on the uncommonly understood fact that child marriage itself is a form of human trafficking. In my case specifically, being married to a pedophile positioned him to be able to traffic me in strip clubs and exploit me through other means. Yet I could not prosecute him in my early thirties when I first found the strength to do so, as the state laws in Indiana, where my abuse by this perpetrator initiated, held a statute of limitations that too much time had passed.
At every turn, instead of the laws being geared to protect me as a child, the loopholes within them ultimately protected a sociopathic pedophile from prosecution. This individual does not deserve to have his name spoken or known, as in doing so he would be granted a sense of the undeserved illusion of power and prestige. This is how his abusive and perverse mind operates and I refuse to indulge that in any capacity any longer. Therefore, throughout this text you will find I use three terms to acknowledge him: my perpetrator, the pedophile, and the parasite.
He was my perpetrator as he groomed my underage mind and body, the pedophile that abused me in heinous ways, and the parasite whose imprint I can never fully escape despite having been away from his toxicity for years now, as the impact of trauma he imposed upon my life is a ghostly stain I can never fully shake. These hideous terms are the only ones befitting of him.
I write this memoir with the intention to form a coalition of survivor leaders working together with arms linked as we deepen our healing through community with each other and work toward ending the laws and other systemic failures that perpetuate crimes against those vulnerable to abuse and exploitation. There are so many opportunities for change within our society. Legislation governing underage marriage laws and state level statutes of limitations that place burden on the victim of atrocious crimes to come forth before it is psychologically safe enough to do so must be addressed. Exploitation within mental health institutions and other helping professions must be more thoroughly researched and acknowledged, with perpetrators held accountable. Systemic change across these focus areas is critical for traumatic cycles to have opportunity to cease within families and communities as a whole. Everything is interconnected with mental health and trauma recovery residing at the core of the issues at hand.
It is my belief that when we survive atrocities, we have a responsibility to find purpose in the events that changed us — or perhaps molded us if the abuse began very early on in our lives. The duration of this lifetime on Earth is so very limited, but we must be mindful and focused on the legacy we choose to leave for generations to come. The imprint we make on this world will be experienced long after our last breath, meaning we can plant seeds for trees we may never enjoy shade from, gratefully knowing our descendants will. For me, these trees are the ability to create a life one does not have to spend years recovering from, as I have.
One thing is for certain. Regardless of those who would have me dilute my voice, I will continue my efforts to bring an end to the antiquated laws that perpetuate crimes against children.
About the Author
My name is Donna Simmons, and I’m a wife, mother, author, and avid advocate for breaking cycles of generational trauma and mental health recovery. As a Governor appointed member of the Kentucky Juvenile Justice Advisory Board and member of the Bakhita Empowerment Initiative Advisory Board, I work with public servants and providers across the state to support a reduction in juvenile system involvement and strengthening protective factors for high risk youth. My passion for this work comes from my direct experience as a child abuse survivor, involvement in a behavioral health facility when I was 14, and resulting grooming and exploitation by a 29 year old mental health professional who I was married off to as a child.
In my healing journey, I have recognized that true trauma recovery can only occur when we are willing to examine the generational cycles that keeps us bound in harmful patterns. My mission is to help others transform their trauma into purpose so they can break these cycles and reach their full potential as individuals and parents.
Contact Links
Instagram- @transformingashes2flame
TikTok- @ashestoflame
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