Wednesday, December 7, 2022

Blog Tour: The Unshakeable Road to Love




Spiritual, Self Help, Relationships / Zen

Date Published: October 15, 2022

Build your relationships upon an Unshakeable Foundation, based upon Eternal Principles of Real Love.

Based upon the teachings of All World Scriptures, including Zen, the book explores the difference between Real and Counterfeit Love. As we do, it is easy to see that all suffering in relationships is due to being caught in the trap of Counterfeit Love.

This is a Book of Practice, which provides many insights, exercises, turning points and interventions, so we can apply the powerful principles in all our relationships.

As we do, pain, upset and conflict dissolve on the spot.



                                                             The Whole World Is Medicine.

                                                                         What Is the Illness?”                                       

We are all treasure hunters, looking for the secret to fulfilling relationships. Usually, we believe the secret lies in finding the right person, acquiring the best relationship skills and learning to communicate our needs more clearly. Our relationships are usually dedicated to finding happiness, getting our needs met, being powerful or in charge. Basically, we are using our relationships to feel good about ourselves.

However, despite all our efforts, relationships often become a source of pain and suffering. Conflict, anger, disappointment and loneliness arise endlessly. And many times, when a partner stops supplying our needs, what felt like love one day turns to rejection the next.

            When our thoughts are primarily absorbed with what we are needing and receiving, or how to build ourselves up, we live in a prison without bars. It becomes impossible to truly see the person we are with, or what is going on in front of our eyes. Any slight, real or imagined, can become the cause of distress, causing us to withdraw. Any perceived failure or rejection invites underlying feelings of worthlessness to emerge, producing additional depression and stress. The harder we try to make things right, the more complicated they can become. How can we ever find fulfillment in this manner?


Know the Difference Between Medicine and Poison

“The way out is through the door,

How come nobody ever takes that method?”


There is a great deal of confusion these days about what causes mental, emotional and physical illness and how suffering can be healed. Most therapy focuses upon our personal history, emotions, habits and cognitive responses. However, even when a person feels better, new symptoms and problems endlessly appear. The root of our illness has not been touched. We have not been able to alleviate the true illness: loneliness, deception and a profound sense of disconnection, both from others and ourselves. Withdrawal and pretense are so pervasive that they are even taken as the norm

In many cases therapy is built upon rejection of the very truths that provide true meaning and fulfillment to our lives. As a result, addiction and suffering of all kinds have never been so pervasive. Nor the suffering still so great. It is time to address it differently, to find the true medicine.

Most of us don’t know the difference between poison and medicine. We engage in poisonous behavior and expect our lives and relationships to be healthy and strong. What is passed off as medicine is often poison, ultimately lethal. Yet, true medicine is readily available, wherever we are. We only have to discover what it is and how to take it.

 A Completely New Perspective

It is time to offer a completely new perspective on suffering and health and how to practice this new perspective in our everyday lives. As we turn to the world’s Eternal Scriptures we see that suffering has been dealt with throughout the centuries. All world scriptures, including Zen, ask us to stop a moment and examine the true cause of our pain and the real medicine for it. As we turn to the world’s scriptures we discover profound relationship insights along with powerful forms of healing offered again and again. These teachings are grounded in fundamental truths that govern our lives, but have not been taken to heart.

A Radical Alternative

            An Unshakable Road To Love (Value-Centered Relationships) is based upon eternal truths found in all world scriptures. These principles provide the perfect remedy for all that causes pain. Not only are they fundamental to our happiness, they are also simple, easy to understand and enjoyable to perform. Here we have the perfect medicine for what is truly ailing us.

These truths present a radical alternative to the ways we function in relationships and what we expect of them. Like the laws of gravity, these principles are infallible, cannot fail. However, once these  principles are understood, lived and turned to regularly, it is startling to see how quickly our mental, emotional and even physical suffering dissolves.

True Medicine Is Delicious

This is a Book of Practice, simple, direct and filled with specific exercises and interventions. They are called Pillars of Love, Turning Points and Exercises which allow us to practice these truths all day long, with whom ever we meet, including ourselves.  As we do, pain, upset and conflict often dissolve on the spot.

These practices will guide you through the stumbling blocks that surround love and show you how to open your own treasure house within. How to activate your own inner resources. Each practice is simple, yet powerful. As you engage in this process, you will notice that you are feeling stronger, more centered, alive, valuing each day more and more. 

Turning Points

Turning Points are actions, perceptions and responses based upon the Pillars of Love. They interrupt our usual way of seeing and doing things and provide specific interventions to practice with everyone we encounter. As we do so, conflict that has been going on easily melts away.

A Book of Practice: Open Your Own Treasure House

Relationship Koans

             Open Your Own Treasure House is a koan. All relationships can be thought of as koans, teachings coming to us from the world of Zen. It is extremely liberating to view your relationship that way. A koan is a question given to a student by a teacher that has no logical or rational answer. And yet an answer must be made. The student’s very life is at stake if they do not respond. The same is true of relationships.

            When we start working on koans, naturally we try to figure them out, determine the odds, strategize, demand certain outcomes. We approach our koans as we do our relationships. Before long it is easy to see how limited and distressing that way is. How it ties us into endless knots.

Relationship Myths and Mirages

            As we work on our relationship koans, it is easy to see many of the illusions we have been living with, and how they have destroyed our joy. These are illusions, or myths about what love really is. They prevent us from seeing the difference between poison and medicine, and the true cause suffering in all aspects of our lives.

Working on Our Koan (Instruction):

 Ultimately, we do not work on our koans, they work on us. They present possibilities we never imagined were there. This is true of our relationships as well. Here is a wonderful instruction given to students working with a koan. It is wonderful instruction for being in a relationship as well.              

 Be With Your Koan as if You Were a Mother Hen Sitting On Her Nest, Keeping Her Eggs Warm. (Do the Same with Your Relationship.)

              Don’t leave the nest or desert the chicks. Don’t interfere by constantly peeking in to see how the chicks are doing, or pushing them to grow. When the perfect moment comes the chicks will peck out of their shells and be born.  Do the same with your relationship! Trust life to guide the process. When the right moment comes, just like the chick, the relationship will become fully alive.

About the Author

Brenda is a psychologist, author, speaker, playwright and long term practitioner of Zen.

Her work focuses upon integrating the practices and principles of East and West and making them real in our everyday lives.

Brenda offers on going Zen talks for the Morningstar Zen community, founded by Fr. Robert Kennedy, Roshi. She has spent many years involved in Interfaith work and dialogue. She also offered talks on Zen and Psychology at the New York Zendo for eight years.

For the past four years Brenda has presented a weekly podcast, Zen Wisdom For Your Everyday Life. Over the years she has provided many talks ad workshops dealing with personal and spiritual development and living an authentic, meaningful life.

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